Landlady Seeks Lease Penalties After Adult Children Miss Rent on Divorce Home

A retired woman is seeking legal leverage to secure rent payments from two adult children who have missed deadlines on a home they inherited during a divorce. The property, located in a highly rated school district, houses her daughter, son-in-law, son, nephew, and granddaughter. While her son and nephew have paid their shares, the daughter and son-in-law have fallen behind despite the money being earmarked for the mother's retirement fund.

The woman, who has been divorced for ten years, moved out of the house into a friend's paid-off residence. The family agreed verbally that the adults would pay rent until the 12-year-old granddaughter graduates high school, a timeline of six years. Only two of the four adults are currently meeting their financial obligations. The son covers all utilities, and the nephew, who was recently diagnosed with end-stage renal disease and is beginning dialysis, also pays his portion. The daughter and son-in-law, both employed full time, have not kept up with the monthly schedule.

The mother has attempted to resolve the issue through direct communication. She held a meeting with the delinquent couple to establish that rent is due on the first of the month and that late payments would incur consequences. She also sends text message reminders one week before the due date. Despite these efforts, the payments remain inconsistent, threatening her plan to retire at age 70 or 72.

Abigail Van Buren advises the woman to move beyond verbal agreements and draft a formal lease contract. The column recommends including specific penalties for late payment and requiring all residents to sign the document. Van Buren suggests setting up direct monthly bank transfers to streamline the process. She emphasizes maintaining a firm and professional tone throughout the arrangement. If standard measures fail, the writer advises consulting a lawyer for alternatives to eviction that encourage prompt payment.

Van Buren also suggests using social pressure by enlisting the paying son and nephew to remind the delinquent couple of their obligations. She notes that a written agreement would have been preferable at the start of the arrangement, but it is not too late to formalize the terms. The primary goal is to protect the retirement savings while keeping the granddaughter in her school district.

In a separate letter, a reader in Chicago asked about the etiquette of sending Christmas gifts to a sister-in-law who stopped reciprocating after a difficult divorce. The reader continued to send gifts to the niece and nephew but received no acknowledgment or thank-you notes. Her husband dismissed the lack of gratitude as a minor issue. Van Buren sided with the reader, stating that the children should have been taught to acknowledge gifts with a note, phone call, or email. She placed the blame on the parents for failing to teach basic manners. The writer suggested the sister-in-law might feel guilty about her inability to reciprocate, recommending the reader ask if the family is still comfortable receiving gifts.

The column, written by Jeanne Phillips for nearly four decades after her mother Pauline Phillips founded it in 1956, provides advice on family finances and holiday etiquette. Readers can contact the column via the website DearAbby.com or by mail to a P.O. Box in Kansas City, Missouri.